7 Signs a Relationship Won’t Work

1. Consistent Disregard for Core Needs

When one or both partners chronically dismiss or minimize the other’s emotional or relational needs—what I call their “S” needs—the foundation begins to crack. Love cannot survive long-term in an environment where needs go unmet and unspoken.

Therapeutically speaking: Repeated unmet needs lead to emotional withdrawal, resentment buildup, and eventual disconnection.

2. Conflict Without Repair

It’s not the conflict that kills relationships, it’s the lack of repair after it. If a couple fights but never circles back to heal, take ownership, or seek understanding, then bitterness replaces intimacy over time.

As a coach: I’m not listening for whether you fight. I’m listening for whether you know how to make things right.

3. Avoidance of Vulnerability

When emotional honesty feels unsafe or unnecessary, walls go up and connection shuts down. Vulnerability is the lifeblood of intimacy. Without it, you're performing, not partnering.

From a therapeutic lens: If partners can’t access or express their inner world, they’ll default to protection mode instead of connection mode.

4. Misaligned Values and Vision

Love may bring people together, but shared values and a shared future keep them together. If you’re not walking in the same direction with the same purpose, eventually you’ll drift—or clash.

As a premarital coach: I always ask, “Do your futures fit? Or are you trying to force a future that isn’t aligned?”

5. Disrespect Dressed as Honesty

There’s a difference between telling the truth and using truth as a weapon. When “I’m just being real” becomes code for tearing someone down, the relationship enters dangerous territory. Respect must be the floor, not the ceiling.

Therapeutically: Chronic criticism erodes self-worth and kills emotional safety.

6. Imbalance of Effort

One person can't carry the emotional, spiritual, or relational weight for two. When love feels one-sided—when one person is showing up while the other is checked out—the relationship shifts from partnership to performance.

In coaching terms: A relationship that feels like a rescue mission will eventually feel like a prison.

7. No Growth, Just Cycles

When couples keep having the same argument in different seasons, that’s not chemistry—it’s dysfunction. Healthy love evolves. If your relationship is stuck in rinse-and-repeat patterns with no transformation, it’s not working.

As I often say: “If you don’t do the work, your patterns will become your prison.”